Frankenburger: Our In Vitro Burger Recipe

In BBQ - Grilling - Smoking, Burgers, Sandwiches & Dogs, Recipes, Science, Stories by Mark MaskerLeave a Comment

Hamburger 02Dutch scientist Mark Post and his team are all set to fry up and serve the world’s first stem cell-grown hamburger for two lucky taste testers to try. While everyone else is wondering how it will taste, I think the bigger question is, how long is it before Frankenburger turns bad, kills a villager, and gets its creators killed by a mob wielding pitchforks and torches? It’s thoughts like this that keep me up late at night.

The scientists are hoping the new burger will help address climate change concerns (fewer beef cows, fewer methane cow farts mucking up the ozone layer) and make a dent in world hunger. It’s made by placing a ring of the cattle muscle stem cells into a dish with nutrient solution in the center. The cultured beef is then combined with some salt, bread crumbs, and egg powder. I don’t know about you, but that description alone makes me salivate almost as much as doing my taxes does.

In case the scientific team is reading this, here’s the recipe I suggest for preparing the perfect in vitro beef burger. No need to thank me.

Recipe Type: Science Fiction Turned Fact
Cuisine: Genetic Engineering
Author: Heat Scale: None to Nuke
Prep time:
Cook time:
Total time:
Serves: 1
  • 1 in vitro stem cell burger, grown in nutrient gell
  • 1-2 slices artificially ripened cloned tomatoes, fresh
  • 2 slices of the cheapest, most chemically-enhanced white bread you can find
  • 1 can of spray cheese
  • 1 teaspoon GMO soy-based mayonaise
  1. In a microwave oven, nuke the hamburger patty on a styrofoam plate until browned (the patty, not the plate).
  2. Place the cooked patty onto one of the slices of bread. Spray generously with the spray cheese.
  3. Add the tomatoes and mayo. Slap on the other slice of bread.
  4. Enjoy!


Okay, the cook time is just a guess. I’ve no idea how long it takes to grow a beef patty. If you want more information (and a serious take on this), here’s a link to the Reuters story.


The following two tabs change content below.
Managing Editor | Mark is a freelance journalist based out of Los Angeles. He’s our Do-It-Yourself specialist, and happily agrees to try pretty much every twisted project we come up with.

Leave a Comment